So I sit here...

So I feel like my life is just an existence. I am sick so much that I have given up on alot at this point. I'm not who I used to be...I used to be more outgoing loving what I do and now I could care less, my life is falling apart...I call out so much at work I am really lucky to still have my job which scares the living shit out of me...If I don't keep this job I am completely screwed. I'm barely making ends meet something has got to change and like NOW! I need more excitement in my life, I don't go do anything and that needs to change too...All I do is sit around the damn house. Never thought I would say this but I'm looking forward to ice on the waters to go SMELTING :) Thats one thing I have always loved and would be nice to go again. Can't wait for the kids to get home, they are the reason I get out of bed everyday...They are the only reason I smile these days...Well I guess thats it for now...

Why is the one person thats bad for you the only person to make you feel anything? I'm in love with the one person I shouldnt be.....ILY...

Randomz

Well let's see here...I worked yesterday 11-5 and was on call today but they didn't call me in...thank god because I woke up with yet again another headache...Not sure whats going on here but I'm not liking it...Took a alka selzer and it went away...so I took a walk to Shaws for a few things felt like I was going to puke mid way home...headache came back, ugh... So now just hanging out around the house getting some housework done...laundry is going now. 

You know...I'm actually happy single now...I get lonely but anytime I get asked to hang out i usually make excuses because I have some phobia being around people closely...Like anytime someone asks to hang out I get wicked nervous and anxious and usually end up cancelling not because i don't want to hang out but because I feel like there's nothing to do here and the conversation wont flow and it will be one awkward mess ya know? Am i'm the only one who this happens to??? I have been keeping in my little bubble which includes my parents, Nacia, Anthony...yup that about sums it up on who i actually talk to...Other than the people at work, i mean i see them a few times a week :) lol 

On another note can people keep an eye out for me for cars in the area for around $1200...Looking to buy really soon :) Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!! So freaking excited about that then things will finally get better for me. 

Okay i guess i'm done writing for now...Hope everyone has a good rest of the day!

Sick

So I have been sick the last few days...Puking, headache, fever the works. Feeling a bit better today mostly...Still have that headache that just wont go away. I have to work today 10-5:30...I told myself I will start eating better and drinking lots more water and hoping it will kick start me feeling better. Gotta start somewhere. 

I have no idea why I am super anxious all the time. Just don't understand it...Been through so many different meds since senior year of high school and still can't find a fix. I get super anxious before work every time. But when I get there I am happy because the kiddos just make me smile :) I get anxious before everything, literally. Then there are the migraines. Those are pesky things...making me dizzy head screaming with pain....Wtf...Why does my body hate me??? lol

Well I guess I am off to go pick up before work. Nacia will be here at 9:30 to get me and the little one :)

So yesterday was hell...Felt terrible puking the works. Got sent home from work early and today is a much better day! I'm so ready for it...have to work 10-5:30 Bring it on!!! I miss all the kiddos and i'm going to make myself have a good day. Brandon has cub scouts tonight hes thrilled about it. 

On another note my best friend is almost all moved into her new place...it's accross town so thankfully I will still see her. She has helped me through some tough times. I'm happy for her to have her new place but also sad she wont be a couple doors down anymore. It scares me, i dont want to lose another friend...Seems friends dont come easy for me. 

I guess I will wait till I have to go into work for 10...Have a good day everyone!

So today is going to be a little bit busy...I am getting Brandon on the bus for 7:30 then doing housework and getting ready for the day...Bringing my mom to work for 11 then off to get stuff done...going to the court house, Brandon's doctors to get his shot records for cub scouts, bringing paperwork to G & E roofing, going grocery shopping, picking up the kids from school and off to Brandon's dentist appointment for 3:20...then back here to do homework with Brandon and hanging out...Probably more to do in between everything. 

Hope everyone has a good day :)

                         Cricket with Brandons toy car, lmao